Why did I fall?
by sHIKIGAMInOkANASHII
Summary: Because I jumped. YAOI, Character death, and this is based off of the Wide Sargasso Sea but that was not in the categories...awkward...


Bertha POV

I know I know I know. You think I'm crazy? Mad even? Well you can think what ever pleases you but never think me stupid. I knew exactly what you would think of him. This woeful plight of a lamentable creature. I just wanted to see if there is one ounce of pity in your jaded being. Maybe you might let your stoic façade slip just enough to show you haven't given up. Given up on the world. Given up on me. But I know now that this line of thought is aspirant thinking. I look up to the sky. It is reflecting my reflections. It is raining.

Boy's POV

I can't be sad! Today is a day of happiness! My King! He will take me! The red lady has told me! She has said that my King will bring me back with him. I have studied. I have learned English. Learned English for my King. I would do anything for my King. I love him more than the night loves the stars. More than the fauna loves the Sun. More than God loves his people. More than a mother loves her children. Without one the other is nothing. I know that. I have learned it. I feel as if I could fly and play with the angels. But I feel something else. Something trying to pull me down. I don't understand it. I can't explain it with words. No, no words for this. I look to the sky. God is sad. My mother tells me that when rain comes God is crying. Why does he cry? It is so happy. Why does it cry? I hear a young girl's voice:

Lizard's tail  
Dew in the night  
Silent night  
Sunlight  
A drop of mermaid's tear

The shadow of dead people  
The pain of living people  
The joy of darkness  
The madness of light  
Let us become one  
Let's engulf ourselves in a beautiful lace

By an edge of the shadow  
I'm pulled into darkness  
I gave a scream  
I'm crazy because of the Silence

Oh. I hear this. The gentle sprinkle of rain. The young voice. The two weave a pattern of sadness. Why? I can't. This moment seems to last for eternity. It is timeless. Yes, it is without time. My happiness dissipates. I stand lifelessly in this unbroken jungle and watch the rain fall. The water steals my heat and leaves me numb. I don't understand. It is not real anymore. I walk to the road. I know I am walking. But I can't feel it. Not really. I feel the mud of the road beneath me. But it is just mud. It is not cold. I know it is cold. It is filled with rain and night comes. I wait for my King. He will come and take me with him to his palace. He will kiss my fears away. Ah. Fear. Maybe this is my anchor pulling me away from the angels. I fear falling. So I await his carriage. Ah. He comes. I see his carriage. How long has it been? A minute? An hour? A day? No. No, it is timeless. The carriage stops in front of me. A man comes out. He is not my King. He tells me to leave. I don't understand. I stand and wait for my King. The man says something. I'm not hearing anymore. I see my King. He is next to the red lady in the carriage. She says something to him. He gets angry. He gets out of the carriage. I look up. We watch each other. Me with glistening eyes, him with hard eyes. I look down. He says something to me. But I'm not hearing anymore. He shouts. He hits me. I fall. I look up just to see the carriage leaving for the boat. My face hurt. Ah. I have fallen. I am broken. I look up. I don't see the angels. I still can't hear. Wait. I do hear something. It is that song. I don't get up. I don't move. I float out of my body. I know because I see myself on the ground. I look so helpless. I am asleep. My King hit me so hard I am asleep. I turn away from myself. After all I won't go anywhere without my self. I float along the road and watch the boat leave. The rain has stopped. The girl is still singing. I meander through the foliage. It stops. The world stops. I am at a cliff. I look down and see ocean. It is angry at the land for blocking its path. It crashes against the land. Hard. I wonder if it hurts. But I won't know. I can't feel without my body. I drift back to my body. I get up. I am awake. I am hurting. No words for this. A sound cannot make a person understand. The singing has stopped. I hear nothing. The silence hurts, hurts almost as bad as my whole. I go to where the world ends. I look down. But I don't see anything. How long has it been? Maybe a lifetime. Why? Because I fell. Why did I fall? Because I jumped. Why does it cry? Because it hurts.

A/N Ok soo for some reason it seems that I can't help but write yaoi stuff for english class. This was a pastiche that I found while going through some of my old stuff from school. I don't know how many people closely read the wide sargasso sea but there was a reference towards the end of the book that mentions a little native boy who falls in love with Mr. Rochester before he took Bertha to england. So in this little ficlet (if you hadn't already gathered...) I made Bertha attempt to set up Mr. Rochester and that poor little kid. Oh and kudos to anyone who recognizes the song. But seriously. Looking through my old stuff I found A SHITLOAD of english stuff that manages to relate back to some random (or completely fictional...) yaoi moment...just goes to show how obsessed I am...haha...cause you know...I have a life...

:)


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